Frustration takes hold

I know I am chasing a lost cause, and yet, part of my holds out hope. The sensible part of me says, forget it, but then the dreamer part of me says, take a chance. But what have we learned abut taking chances? It's a good way to screw things up. Lemme think of one time that taking a big chance has payed off.... still thinking.... nope. there are a couple times I can think of that they almost payed off, but they always seem to fall just short. Maybe I just need to be patient. But as well all know that's not something I do well, and I feel as though I've been quite patient. Timing sucks, and so does taking risks. Speaking of taking risks I've found that being honest really get's you no where in life. Telling the truth gets you a big slap in the face, while telling lies gets you a small slap on the wrist. Think about it, there are two kids who are getting in trouble for the same thing, one kid comes clean and says, I'm sorry and it was wrong, they get grounded for a month, and aren't allowed to go out anymore. The second kid denies ever doing it, and says they weren't acctually involved, and what do they get? a slap on the wrist and a warning that they shouldn't do it again. Second example: someone asks you what you think of something they're wearing. You say it looks weird, they're hurt. You say it looks great, they're happy. A teacher asks you what you deserve in a class, you put B when you deserve a B, and the teacher, regaurdless if they were going to give you a higher grade, go down to what you say. You give yourself an A, and even if the teacher disagrees it doesn't limit what you can acctually get. By putting B instead of A you are telling the teacher they shoudln't give you anything higher than a B, and essentially are shooting yourself in the foot. With the eating better project, we were asked if we fell behind at all, and the honest kids said they did when they did, and everyone else said that they kept up the whole time, when really they had done all the work the night before and made it up. Who got the better grade? the liars. What has this taught us? that honest is not the best policy. And this is where ethics comes into play. Do you do what is right? Or do you do what will get you further in life? This is how twisted our society is. We are constantly forced to chose between doing what is right and getting ahead. Shouldn't it be that doing the right thing gets you ahead in life? In some cases it is, but for the majority of the time it seems as though the wrong way will get you a lot further... as long as you don't get caught. That makes me really sad. For so long I thought that honesty and hard work would get you somewhere in life, and now I see that kissing ass, putting up with shit, and lying is how most people get to the top. But in the end karma will prevail, and things will even out.

dance team is no more

So I am offically off dance team. I will not be doing state, or anythign else that has anything to do with dance team. The whole story is, they decided that today, the monday after competition, to have a meeting with all the seniors one at a time, and let them know who would continue to be a captain and who would not. I had wanted to come in to talk to them about some comments made earlier in the day, and acctually about a lot of other things that were going on, so I thought this would be a good chance. My mother and I went in to talk to them and they baisically said, even though I was fine in all other areas my attitude sucked... which it did. 100% I'm not denying it. I'd have to say that being on dance team made me the most unhappy I've ever been. But besides that they said that their deffinition of a leader was someone who brought the team up, and... wasn't quite a cheerleader persay, but really pepped the team up. They said they were upset with how I had said I didn't want to do hip hop at competition and that there had been complaints from parents and students, which I guess is understandable. They told me that I could stay on the team but not as a captain, if I wanted, and I said goodbye. And so ends my high school dance team career, which I could not be happier about. And walking away from it all, I feel very good. I'm quite happy with this decision, and I know that I stuck to my beliefes. To quote shakespeare, "above all to thine owne self be true." and I was, in everyway. I didn't tell the girls that we were going to win when I didn't think we were, I didn't pretend that I liked what was going on, or how things were being handled, I didn't pretend that I wanted to devout every waking moment to dance team, and I didn't pretend that everything was happy-go-lucky. I deffinantly felt like some of the girls did that only to keep their position on the team, and that's okay, because in the end you'll never get what you want if you don't ask. And at least I asked. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, I no longer have to try and guess what the coaches want from me, I am free from that burden. In the end we parted ways because in essence, I was bringing the team down. But at the same time the team was bringing me down. The last couple weeks I have been so miserable, and unhappy, I can't wait to get back to how things were. Not to say that everything will be rainbows and butterflies, but at least now I don't have this big black cloud always hanging in the back of my mind, taking over everything, not giving me a moments rest. Honestly for the past couple weeks the only thing I can think about is dance team, and I just have the most negative thoughts in the world. But now it is done, and I can move on. will I miss it? no. Will I be sad if they win state, no. Instead I will be happy for the girls, and all their hard work, but for me I will be happy that I made the right decision.